I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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