I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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