I seem to have left my pride at pride
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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