I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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