He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
