Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Randomize
