o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
50% drunk capacity currently
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
