Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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