Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
