Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
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