Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
