i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
