If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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