I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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