so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
