Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
