god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
