Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
