you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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