I want to make a zoo with you.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
