i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
