So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
