I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
