I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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