There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
