I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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