babies were throwing up all over the place
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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