So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
