i don't plan on having that self control this summer
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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