you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You dont lie about slip and slides
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize