is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
my being single is dangerous.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
