I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
