1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
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