So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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