Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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