He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
40s are totally the cure
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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