if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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