she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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