Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
