i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
false alarm. still invincible.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
