so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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