I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Just cropdusted the office
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday