Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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