So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
you win again, gameday.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
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