Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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