you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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