also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
i out mim tonsoeep
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