I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
