Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
