And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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