WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
