I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
