Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
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Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
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We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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