If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
