I am puke
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
