i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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