just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
