I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
