God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Randomize
