I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize