its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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