@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
