Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
