U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
