she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize