cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
