Do you still have your period?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
