I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
There's a naked man in my car right now.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
