we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
