i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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