when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
