i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
